The other day me and Tabitha and Hermione (my ex boyfriends daughter, not her real name) all went swimming together...
and it felt like I won.
The prize was watching them joyfully play together, enjoying each others company and their time together.
but it really felt like a win to me.
I have been in Hermione's life for...about 11 years now. The first time I ever saw her she was covered in chicken pox and sitting in the bath at about 2 years old. she is now 13 and nearly taller than me!
I dated her dad for roughly 8 years...and mine and his relationship was kind of complicated and not really easy. but in that time I never stopped caring for his daughter. I saw her pretty much every weekend, I looked after her over school holidays, we went out on regular "girly days" together where we would go and do something fun (like cinema, or museum or swimming or even just to the park together) and I would spoil her rotten. we had some really amazing times, like going to the playground in the heavy snow and going on the ziplines, like making a paper rocket that reached all the way to the roof of the media museum, like helping her learn to swim...I read her bedtime stories and changed her nappy, we went on holidays together, I went to her parents evenings and put her in time out when she needed it...
I would say I was like a mother to her, but that's not exactly correct, because she always had her mother as well, and I really did try to make sure that they had a a good relationship and that Hermione thought of her mother fondly when we were out together...I always thought Hermione herself described our relationship best when she turned around and told someone that I "was her Kat". it was just that simple.
I kept her relationship with her dad going much longer than I probably should have given the issues we were having. but I was terrified of loosing the bond I'd built with her. I couldn't imagine life without our time together. the last time that I left her fathers house, knowing I would be gone for good this time, I cried all the way home.
but I tried really hard to stay in her life. to begin with I sent her post cards every week, not saying very much, but I decorated them myself, and just told her that I loved her, missed her and said a little bit about what was happening in my life. she was 9 and without a phone or really any other way of contacting her easily...but eventually she got a phone of her own, and then she was old enough to get more involved with social media, so our methods of communication increased...and finally she got old enough and independent enough to start making her own choices about who she spent time with and when, and we have finally started having girly days that we organised ourselves!
When I had Tabitha I was really scared that she would feel abandoned or replaced, especially because having a small baby and then a toddler really did limit my time and energy and what we could do together when we did see each other. but I kept trying, I kept reassuring.
so seeing Tabitha and Hermione playing together happily at the swimming pool felt like a win. all the time and effort spent building and maintaining my bond with her, so she thinks of me happily and WANTS to see me, she wants to keep being in my life and wants to enjoy time with Tabitha...that's a massive win in my eyes.
(Hermione and Tabitha and our friend Ivy!)
p.s. Merry Christmas and a happy new year!
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