My life is somewhat complicated.

week 11
I was with my ex boyfriend for about 7 ish years, he is primary carer for his daughter (lets call her Hermione, she is a big fan of the harry potter series), so from the age of 2 till the age of 10 I basically helped to raise her. Her mother had suffered badly from post natal depression, and having a baby showed her just how un-maternal she was, so her mum wasn't in her life very much. I did a lot of the important things, like helping her learn to read, teaching her to swim, reading her bed time stories, being there when she learned to ride a bike...she doesn't remember a time when I wasn't in her life. We have an amazingly good relationship, we go out on 'girly days' and just have fun at museums or the cinema, or just doing painting and baking. She told me more than once that she wished I was her mum, and the feeling is entirely mutual, I love her like she is my own child. In fact, Hermione is pretty much the only reason why my relationship with her dad lasted as long as it did. I kept flogging a dead relationship because I didn't want to hurt her.
When me and (I know its petty, but lets call him Dickhead) split up, it was initially amicable (he got a new girlfriend who is amazingly jealous of me, and he decided to act like a Dickhead, so its no longer amicable, but that's a whole other mess). But Hermione was very very upset that we'd split up, she was scared I wouldn't see her any more and that I wouldn't love her any more. She was very upset when she found out I'd got together with Coyote, she still wanted, in some ways, still wants, for me and her dad to get back together. She's also very scared that I would have a baby and that the baby would replace her...

Hermione's birthday is on the 9th of April...my due date is the 9th of April...

Now I barely see Hermione as it is...having a baby will make it even more difficult...and trying to tell her that she's going to have to share her birthday with (as she will see it) her replacement...

I don't know when or how to tell her. I'd love to tell her face to face, but that might take a while to happen, I know I shouldn't tell her till I am past my first trimester...

anyway, I'm really hoping baby turns up a little bit early, or a little bit late (though, God, if you are listening, not too early or late please!!!) so that some emotional mess can be diverted...