Over time I have gotten a lot more comfortable with feeding out in public, it helps at least one person has mistaken me feeding Tabitha with her just having a sleep on my lap, it helps when I cover us both up with my 'modesty blanket'. It also helps knowing that the law is on my side in this, it's illegal to kick me out of a public space just for breastfeeding. all this helps me reduce my anxiety and my discomfort about basically getting my breasts out in public (not that you can actually see anything unless baby is fussing about latching on, and then you may glimpse nipple briefly). It feels like a shocking thing to do, but at the same time if you want to breastfeed it's something you can't not do. It's really hard to do sometimes. It feels like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and for someone to make a big scene about it.
The other day, the other shoe did drop.
I was taking Tabitha swimming with Coyote, something we've done a couple of times, she really likes to splash and wiggle in the water, and I think it's important to teach her to swim early because it's a great life skill and fantastic exercise and it's also a brilliant sensory experience for her. and so far it's gone really well. but this time...it was a really hot day, so in comparison the water felt really cold for poor little Tabitha, it normally takes her a little while to relax and get into swimming because it's noisy and distracting for her. but this time, after about 10 minutes she was still not happy with being in the water, she wouldn't stop crying. And I figured that she was hungry and cold, she really needed some food and some comfort. she just needed to feed. There was a bench at the side of the pool, so I covered us with a towel and started feeding her. No one paid any attention at all...apart from the life guard, who immediately started staring at us...and then she started making phone calls...and I knew this was going to be a problem, and I started feeling more and more exposed. I'm just so glad Coyote was there with me. I rushed the feed, and then went to get back in the water. At which point the life guard stopped us getting back in, saying it wasn't allowed because it might make the baby sick, and in fact they recommended not feeding for 30 minutes before swimming.
I do understand their point. But there was no signs anywhere saying this, nothing to indicate that that's the policy of the pool. No way I could have known about it. and it felt horrible being kicked out of a swimming pool. it felt like a kick in the guts. It left me really shaken and upset. it knocked all of my confidence out of me.
I want to take Tabitha swimming again, I know how important it is, and I really enjoy swimming...but I don't think I can go back there again, not after this. and the next nearest pool really isn't near at all...
it's going to be hard to go out with Tabitha at all.
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