I have found a problem with being a parent...its really hard to take time to enjoy things for yourself...like...really hard. you have to be constantly thinking and planning and monitoring your child. and its almost impossible to just relax and experience something.
for example...we were on holiday recently (we had an excellent time, the sun was shining, we went on the beach, Tabitha ate lots of sand, we saw seals and otters and jellyfish...it was wonderful) and we went for a nice meal out, and i even indulged in a glass of wine...and after the meal i realized...i could barely remember how everything tasted...because through the meal i had to keep an eye on the time (it was getting towards Tabitha's bedtime) and what she was eating (she had decided she didn't want to eat much of her food, but wanted my food instead) and what she could manage to get hold of (she likes to play with cutlery and if she can will grab glasses) and if she was thirsty (it had been a really hot day and i didn't want her to dehydrate) and keep Tabitha distracted and happy (so she wouldn't fuss) and then at the end of the meal i smelled a bad smell from her nappy and realized that i'd left her changing bag back at the hotel...I still enjoyed the meal. but as a parent you can't just relax and enjoy everything.
Multiple times through the holiday I realized that i had virtually no time for pure enjoyment. I got a 5 minute paddle and sea shell search while Coyote was watching Tabitha, and another couple of minutes sitting in the sun while Tabitha slept, and me and Coyote got a whole hour to ourselves when Tabitha was in bed and my mum watched her...but other than that...you have to be constantly in 'On' mode.
you can desperately enjoy time with your baby (and i do, watching her smile at the penguins at giggle at the seals at the sea life center will be a memory to treasure, and holding her hand while she experienced the sea for the first time...absolutely priceless) but its much harder to enjoy things for yourself.
i don't really know if this is something that Coyote shares with me...i don't know if he feels the same way, or if it is a 'stay at home' thing, because i literally spend 24/7 with Tabitha. i don't even get to go to the bathroom on my own.
it feels really odd talking about any negative aspects of being a parent...after the miscarriage and then the scares i had throughout this pregnancy...its just made me massively thankful for every moment with her. i am thankful that i have my baby to look after and that i'm a parent...
but...
the occasional hot bath or couple of hours to play a video game would be really really nice.
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