Labeling

16 months

Back to 85%. So feeling better.

It sounds a bit...hippy...but we are very careful about how we talk to Tabitha, and how we talk about Tabitha.

Labeling theory goes, that if you place a label on someone, then they will end up living up to that label. they'll be treated differently by other people, you'll ignore the things they do that don't fit the label, and exaggerate the things they do that do fit. and they themselves will start trying (consciously or unconsciously) to live up to that label.

For example: You start calling a child naughty, and you start seeing the things they do as naughty, rather than seeing it as normal toddler behavior, or them being funny, or silly, or exploring the world. In your mind you start associating this child with naughty, bad behavior, so if they are being good or helpful you see it as a exception. the bad things they do become magnified, and if you tell the child that they are naughty often enough then they will see themselves as naughty. so the child will think "why bother being good? I can't be good because I am a naughty child" and keep acting that way...it becomes a viscous cycle that is very hard to break.

So, considering this, we are working very hard to call Tabitha "good" and "helpful". if she helps wipe her tray, or brings me her shoes, she is being "a good helper!". if she does things that...aren't so good, then we tell her that whatever she did wasn't a good thing, or a kind thing "don't hit mummy, that hurts and makes mummy sad. it isn't a kind thing to do. you need to be more gentle". we want her to embody the good things she does, but see the bad things as choices of behavior that she can correct. we call her a helper and she will (hopefully) just generally look for opportunities to be helpful, rather than asking her to do each individual good thing. and we are very specific about the bad things she does and why she shouldn't do them rather than just telling her "you are being naughty"

As I said, it sounds a bit hippy. but the psychology behind it is sound. and I think its an important thing to try to do. I have also read that its more important to praise a child for "trying hard" than just calling them "clever". being clever is innate, and means they don't need to try. whereas a child that thinks they are good at perseverance won't give up when things get difficult.

In other news. Tabitha now has 7 teeth! but she's having no signs of teething, no pain, no redness...we are very lucky with her! Tabitha is walking really well now, and is learning to climb stairs! she's so proud of herself. though going downstairs she still has a tendency to just throw herself at them and hope that her legs keep up with her! she has leaned the word "nana" (banana) but she uses it for anything tasty she wants to eat, bread, sweets, peaches, grapes...they are all "nana".

we are slowly overcoming hurdles towards getting a house. each hurdle is tortuous. but we are getting over them! right now we are trying to figure out if we should get a really small house in a good area, or a big house in a not great area...