Being judgmental

nearly 18 months

it is very very very easy to be a judgmental parent.

I have been on the receiving end of other people's judgement, and done it to other people. and it sucks all round. I think part of the problem is that you only see a snap shot of time in their lives. you see the baby crying in line at the check out, and you judge the parent for leaving their poor baby to go hungry...what you don't know is that actually the baby isn't hungry, its teething and they've done everything they can to make the baby feel better already, but now they _have_ to go shopping for tonight's food and are feeling terrible.

I used to get the dirtiest looks from people when I would take Hermione out for a day out, because I already look young (seriously, when I was 26 someone honestly thought I was about 14), and people would see how old she was and presume I was a teenage mum. they of course didn't know that actually I was taking out my boyfriends daughter for the day and that I was well over 25.

You also can't win, because someone will be judging you. I am a stay at home mum who is still breastfeeding. I'm sure some people in my life judge the breastfeeding and people have already made comments about how she must not be getting socialized enough because she is not going to nursery every day. but if I was bottle feeding and working full time I am sure I would get just as many judgement's for being an uncaring mother. you take your child out and let them run around the park, and you get judged for putting your child at risk, if you keep close to them then you are a helicopter parent...you seriously can't win.

I think people judge because of lack of understanding, they just don't have the full picture into someone else's life, and people judge because it makes them feel better about themselves and their choices. Parenthood is so filled with choices and anxiety, and you want so desperately to make the right choices about everything, so someone else making different choices to you almost feels like a threat, because if they are right, that would make you wrong! it also gives you a sense of relief, "hey, I may have yelled at my baby this morning, but at least I don't feed her fizzy pop like some parents" if you can spot someone else doing worse than you, then you feel like you are not screwing up so badly.

I try not to judge. I really really do. but even knowing all this, even being aware of what I am doing and why, I still find it creeping in.

So I am going to use this as an opportunity to apologize profusely if I have ever said anything that even hinted at judgement and apologize even more for the judgement that has crept into my thoughts. I will try my hardest to stop.

and I also challenge all you parents out there to do the same thing! lets be kind to each other in our thoughts and actions!

(my wonderful 90 year old grandmother, with her great granddaughter Tabitha! her first great granddaughter!)