Sorry its been so long since I last wrote anything. I've been very busy and stressed. but me and Coyote are now married! Tabitha and Hermione were there as bridesmaids and it was lovely! so I should be less busy now for a bit...hopefully.
I had always said I wouldn't use reins for Tabitha. I tried so so hard to not use them for her. I tried using lots of positive reinforcement for holding my hand while we were out of the house, giving her safe places where she could run around in, we tried keeping her occupied helping us in places like the supermarket so that she would stay near us, I tried teaching her "stop and go!" games so she would learn to stop when I called, I tried slow counting, I tried just keeping up with her as much as I could...but...
Our daughter is strong willed, absolutely fearless, stubborn, impulsive, curious, playful and with a strong streak of 2 year old devilment in her. all of the tricks I tried worked really well... for some of the time. some of the time she would listen and hold hands and stay safely with us, or at least at a safe distance from us...but some of the time, when she's tired or grumpy or simply spots something that is so interesting to her that she simply doesn't care that running away to look at it will have negative consequences, then she's off and away faster than I can easily keep up with her! (especially if I have hands full of shopping or its in a crowded place that I can loose sight of her easily). she is totally fearless and will happily get out of sight of us without being in the least bit concerned. she runs out of sight, she runs into roads to chase pigeons, she goes to grab and cuddle strange dogs, shes even decided to run off a train platform!
its terrifying! the last straw came when we were on our honeymoon and went to the natural history museum in London. the place was absolutely packed with people. if I had lost sight of her then she would have been lost very very quickly, but nothing we said or did could convince her to stay holding our hands...it just wasn't safe. so we got her some reins that make it look like shes a dinosaur with a compartment for holding her toys in...and quite frankly I felt like a monster.
Reins are both great and kind of horrible. they do absolutely look and feel like you are taking a dog for a walk, which feels horrible to me because that's not the kind of relationship I want with Tabitha at all. they also encourage lazy habits, when I had to rely of communication and interaction to keep Tabitha focused on staying with us then it meant I also had to rely focus on her. with reins you can be much more relaxed about that. I am also sure I got a lot of people judging me for having her in them, especially when she tried to run away while wearing them, and I used the reins to stop her which resulted in her having a massive toddler melt down on the floor in the middle of a train station.
on the other hand...in London they were an absolute god send. especially when she wanted to chase after EVERY SINGLE PIGEON THAT SHE SAW!!!! ALL OF THEM!!!! (ahem) it meant I could relax, I hadn't realized how tense I was getting constantly waiting and watching for her to try and do a runner until I didn't have to worry any more. I could relax and enjoy things a lot more. she was undoubtedly much safer on reins in a bunch of situations, in busy crowded or dangerous places (like the London underground) they did keep her close to me and safe, and she herself doesn't seem to mind reins most of the time. she happily puts them on so she can "be a dinosaur" she also seems to like being able to carry some of her own toys around...
so ultimately I am very ambivalent to reins. I still dislike them on principle, and if I had more relaxed timid child I would absolutely not use them. but fortunately/unfortunately I got what I wished for in a child that believes she is invincible and has almost no fear of anything. so we are going to keep using them. though hopefully we will keep their use at an absolute minimum.
these and her reins.
My little bridesmaid.
Don't beat yourself up, it's a two year old thing! Enthusiasm takes them over sometimes, they can't help it and need to be kept safe. I used reins for a short time with my 2 year olds. I found they soon grew out of the necessity to have their enthusiasm restricted in that way.
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