sex education

3 (nearly 4)

I have started sex education with Tabitha.

I actually started it quite some time ago. since she was capable of talking I've taught her words like "Vagina" and "Nipples" and "Penis" she knows that she has a vagina and that boys have penises. she knows that mummies nipples look different from her nipples, but when she is older hers will probably grow to look more like mummies.

She knows that she came out of my tummy (she even knows that the doctor had to cut her out because she wouldn't stop wiggling!) and that me and her daddy made her, because adults can make babies if they want to.

She is being taught the rudiments of consent, we always ask permission before a hug or a kiss, and if she says "no" then we don't do it. she knows if she doesn't want someone touching her in ways that she doesn't like then she has to say "NO! STOP" and they should stop. She knows that the places of hers that are covered by her swimming costume are special and private, and she shouldn't touch other people in these places and that people shouldn't touch her in those places either without her permission. this applies to tickling or hugging or kissing or any other kind of touch she doesn't want right now. We always give her a choice between a hug and a kiss and a high five (most of the time she asks for all three) so that she has a choice in how she is touched.

I am teaching her these things for a handful of reasons

1. I do think its important for children to have an understanding about the world around them and their own bodies. I want her curious and knowledgeable, and I think a slow spreading of information over a great number of years is much better than an information dump when they get to 16. My goal is for her to never remember having "the talk" because she's just been given such a slow drip of information over the years that it doesn't come as a massive shock or surprise.
2. I don't want her to get caught up in weird myths about being left under the bushes by fairies or stalks or anything. me and her daddy made her with love, and she grew in my tummy from a tiny flicker of light into a fully grown person. that is miraculous enough, it doesn't need any fantasy attached.
3. I don't want her to be dangerously uninformed about things to do with sex, I don't want her relying off playground gossip or what she has seen randomly online. I want her talking to me and her dad, to get accurate knowledge and advice. it will keep her healthy.
4. I want her to be able to protect herself and better help me to protect her. if she has the vocabulary to communicate whats happening to her then she can tell me things like "my vagina is sore and i need nappy cream" or (god forbid, please never let it happen to my little girl) "that man tried to get me to touch his penis". if she doesn't have the basic words she can't tell me if something is wrong.
5. Consent is just flat out important, for children and adults. being able to effectively enforce boundaries especially when it comes to our own bodies is very important, and knowing that she has to listen to and respect other peoples boundaries is just as vital. Right now its just about "that boy doesn't want a hug right now, but maybe he would be happy with a high five?" or "OK, you have had enough of tickling, that's fine" but I want the methods of thought behind it to be stuck in her way of thinking. I want her confident in saying "no" and listening to "no". I want that to be part of her future relationships.

so there we go. I'm sure some people will be thinking I am starting much too young, and that I am in some way damaging her innocence...but I would prefer her to be safe and knowledgeable and happy than innocent any day.