The bad bits.

4 in April

Right.

It is really really easy when talking about parenting to only say positive things, and to paint a really shiny picture of how everything is. When you have a little baby you are allowed to say you are tired, but after that saying anything negative about the whole experience leaves you feeling...like a failure, like a bad parent, like a monster. You also tend to diminish even in your own mind when things aren't going well. but they do exist, and they are frustrating.

So, here are the bits that aren't great

1.  co-parenting is stressful and sometimes really sucks. Mostly me and Coyote work really well together. but there are aspects of parenting together that get really tough. different things wind the other one up far more without the other parent seeing what the big deal is. And I don't really have a basis of comparison of HOW to co-parent effectively. Herminone's dad just used to ignore everything I said, and my dad walked out when I was 4 so I was raised pretty much single handed by my mum. So i accidentally undermine Coyote when i don't mean to, and he looses his rag over things I wouldn't, and Tabitha manages to play us off against each other.
2. The mess. me and Coyote are not very tidy people at the best of times, we both like owning lots of stuff, and have difficulties organising and keeping it all clean...add in a toddler and sometimes things get hellish. Tabitha can undo any level of tidying within minutes. her preferred method of getting to something at the bottom of a container is to dump the entire contents on the floor. and has no compunction about just emptying a packet of crisps on the carpet because she got bored with them. we do try really hard to keep on top of everything, but its like fighting an oncoming tide. and all it takes is an extra guest or us getting ill with a cold for everything to succumb to entropy. and talking of illness...
3. being constantly ill. I really want to take Tabitha swimming every week. but sometimes months go by without getting to go due to sickness. This week so far I've caught a cold and Tabitha came down with a stomach bug that had us running around at 1 am cleaning sick of everything.
4. being constantly tired. We have been amazingly lucky with Tabitha, for the most part not only does she sleep well at night, she also sleeps quite late in the day...but again, all it takes is for her to have a bad weeks sleep to make us all exhausted. if she decides at 4 am that she has had enough of sleep she will wake up the entire house and keep us awake until she crashes 6 hours later.
5. Frustration. Toddlers can be amazingly, head beating against a wall, level of frustrating. when no matter what seat I'm sitting in she decides that she wants to sit there and I have to move and you have to decide whether or not to let her be a little tyrant or say no and end up having a fight over it. When she asks and begs for one particular food, only to reject it out of hand when you give it to her. when she's trying to tell you that she wants something and you don't have a clue what it is because she isn't explaining well, and she's descending into hysterics because she wants the thing, but you don't know what the thing is...yeah...I could actually easily keep on giving examples. But I have a very high patience level with children, and even I find myself at the end of my rope occasionally.
6. Tantrums. There are times when I would happily swap Tabitha for a bottle of wine. Because with all of the love in the world, a tantruming 3 year old is hell. Especially if she is tired or hungry or both. and sometimes you just can't stop it. and sometimes it happens out in public or in front of people you would really like her to be well behaved around...and it can absolutely get to the point when handing her over to someone else and running away sounds great.
7. not being able to keep nice things nice. Tabitha has so many toys I could probably throw away a whole bin full without her noticing...and yet, the things that she really truly wants to play with are all the things we do not want her to break. Laptops and ornaments and the remote control, the contents of my handbag...and she can climb to get things and has the capacity to go up really high these days, nearly nothing is 100% out of her reach when she's feeling determined. Sitting surrounded by all the toys she could want, and the thing she is willing to clamber, climb and fight to get will be the beloved thing that is no only expensive, but sentimentally important.
8. getting time or personal space to myself. Tabitha is better than a lot of children about not being constantly at the centre of our attention. but like any toddler, she has difficulties with the concept that ANYTHING might be more important than herself. Her favourite trick when feeling ignored in a conversation is to climb on me like a climbing frame and proceed to attempt to lick me. sounds adorable (and it is most of the time) but when you are trying to actually have a sensible conversation with someone or even just discuss what the plans are for dinner it gets tricky. she also does this if one of us wants to paint, or play a computer game. its why its almost impossible for us to do much roleplaying any more, because trying to do an activity that isn't all about her around her would just lead to tantrums and disruptions, and trying to organise things for after her bed time ends up meeting the whole "constantly exhausted" problem.

so yeah. everything is not always lovely and perfect and clean in this world of parenting, but it doesn't diminish the good things. I love Tabitha and Coyote with all of my heart.