I am very very very scared about the scan tomorrow. Its at 3:45, and I need to remember to have a full bladder so that they can see things more clearly. I'm just praying that there will be a heart beat...if there isn't...I don't really know what I will do. last time I emotionally collapsed. I couldn't deal with it at all, I was still coping with the emotional fallout when I got pregnant again...if it happens again...gods...I don't know how or if I will cope.
if the news is good I will try to post as soon as possible, to share the news...if the news is bad...it may take a bit longer till I post again.
please, please, please let there be a heart beat. I don't care if my baby is a boy or a girl, if it has downs syndrome or other problems, I don't care if I spend the rest of my pregnancy with sickness every day and stretch marks, and varicose veins and constipation, I don't care if this baby leaves us broke and I never get a night to myself again, I don't care...I just want a baby that's alive and in my arms.
god, if you give me this, I will try to be the best mother there ever was. I will keep remembering the miracle. I will keep remembering what a blessing a child is...
please, please, please, let there be a heart beat.
if there is anyone out there reading this. keep me and my baby in your thoughts.
please, please, please, let everything be alright.
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