Babies like to scare you

9 months and a bit

Things are better, the funeral was as good as it could be, it was touching and warm and had lots of lovely memories of Alex in it. None of the terrible things I envisaged happened.

so anyway, I am changing the subject.

You may have all noticed that I have anxiety issues...just... you know, a little bit...ahem. Anyway, knowing this, I knew I may have the tendency to be a very panicky mum, so I have been trying so so hard to not flip out at the smallest cough. But there have been 4 times so far that she has managed to scare the hell out of me:

1. (This bit may be a bit TMI when it comes to baby poop, so feel free to skip it) Tabitha once went 8 days without having a dirty nappy! She had been a long time between poop's before, 4-5 days in the past, the first time it happened I took her to the doctor, who told me that as she had a good color, was bright eyed, not in pain and without a swollen stomach, she was fine. Sometimes breast fed babies just process the milk so well that they don't make much...waste. So they are not constipated, just...efficient. Anyway, I tried really hard not to panic each time she didn't poop, but around about day 5 I always cracked and made her a doctors appointment, which, like magic, always produced a very full nappy, and an awkward conversation with my doctors receptionist. So this time I was determined not to make an appointment, she was happy and seemed fine, I wasn't going to panic. By day 8 I was in fact panicking, but she did finally have a dirty nappy...and dirty vest, trousers and top...in fact I needed a change of clothes as well and we both needed a bath.
2. I found blood in Tabitha's ear. Quite a lot of it. There are not many things that can cause blood to be in someone's ear, and some of them are really really bad. There was a significant amount of upset and heart stopping terror before i cleaned out her ear and found out that she had managed to somehow cut the inside of her ear with a nail. needless to say i them trimmed her nails really short after that.
3. Tabitha once screamed the house down for 2 straight hours. She'd had a bit of a grumpy morning, but otherwise she was OK, but by the afternoon that grumpiness had escalated into a full blown screaming fit that just didn't end. She didn't want to be held, she didn't want food, she didn't need a nappy change, she didn't want to sleep, I tried having a bath with her, I tried rocking her, I tried leaving her to wriggle on her mat...nothing worked. and she was getting more and more upset. She sounded in a lot of pain. I wanted to help her, but it was a Sunday so the doctors was shut...after 2 hours I cracked and called the non-emergency 111 number for her. The whole time I was on the phone getting her an emergency appointment at the hospital she was crying on my shoulder while I walked around, she kept crying right up until the point I hung up the phone...at which point she fell fast asleep, and slept until we got to the appointment. She woke up when the doctor checked her out, and smiled at him happily with a 'what? what's all the fuss about?' look on her face. Thankfully the doctor was very nice about it all and said I did the right thing.
4. She managed to choke on milk. I was feeding her as she slowly drifted off to sleep, and she managed to inhale some milk. She completely stopped breathing, it was really really scary. I was very lucky that I'd done the first aid course so I knew what to do. I just put her in the right position face down on my lap and banged her back and she coughed out a mouthful of milk. It was over to fast, but it was terrifying. she bounced back within seconds of coughing out the milk. (seriously, everyone with a baby needs to take a first aid course)

I am sure there will be many many more times she manages to get me to rush her to A+E, and I will be really happy each time that I am an over panicking parent.