Imagination and other things

22 months

I have a friend (hello Aura of hostility man) who's mum apparently never lied to her kids, even "white" lies about Santa, or the Easter bunny. because she didn't want her children to ever doubt her word...and this got me thinking about the lies we tell children. because my mum by contrast "lied" to me all the time. for years whenever we were out on walks and found acorn cups I was told that they were fairy drinking vessels, and she'd tell me to watch out for the wolves in the woods, and Santa stayed very real in our house (even my grandmother gets a Christmas stocking). and to me those "lies" were magical. they populated the world with fairies and goblins and dragons and unicorns. but I never doubted her word about anything important either. I felt no sense of betrayal when I figured out that these things weren't real in the normal sense of the word (apart from Santa, who totally exists and still leaves me a stocking every year). I can absolutely see the logic behind not creating these fantasies and stories for children...but to me that underestimates children's abilities to create fantasy worlds and live a rich imaginative life while at the same time understanding the difference between that and the mundane realities of life. So I have made the active decision to continue to do what my mother did. I tell Tabitha to look out for wolves when we are walking near woodland, and the things that roar past your train while you are in a train tunnel are the dragons that live in tunnels, ogres live under bridges and say "who's that going trip trap trip trap over my bridge?!?" and fairies get into washing machines and steal socks, and Santa is a fact of life who brings you presents if you have been a good girl this year.

I have also decided to let Tabitha play in a violent way while teaching her how to be safe and gentle about it. we have bought her a couple of wooden swords and a wooden shield, and she loves having pretend sword fights, banging the swords around and yelling "stab, stab, stab!" and getting you to fall over. which I am sure would horrify some parents out there...but hear me out. I think that pretend violence and rough and tumble play is completely normal. children will do it even if you never let them have access to toy guns or swords or bow and arrows. I think it's even healthy for them to act out fake aggression. plus, its fun. so while she is swinging swords around, we emphasize being careful and gentle and how not to hurt people while she is doing it, we demonstrate gentleness, and praise her for her gentle play. its clear that this is play, we are playing with her and she understands the difference, just as she understands that when she makes us a cup of tea in her play kitchen that she is not actually making tea.